Fun Fun Fun
Ever have one of those days? I swear that I’m the bastard son of Claude Raines. The latest example of my power of invisibility took place only this past Friday. Chad, Tobias, Dr Nick Riveria and myself decided to catch up and see the Fantastic Four flick. So far so good. We managed to get out of the city, parked the car, allowed Chad to have a quick peek at some top secret material that we just happen to have lying around the house (non porn mind you) and because I only live about a minutes' slow walk away, we deiced to wander over to the Villanova for lunch.
Now the Villanova, located in downtown Norwood, prides itself on being a place where you get fast service and good food. Well fast service I didn’t get so I can't tell you if the food was any good. It took me about five minutes of standing at the counter to get served – and to put this in perspective keep in mind that I’m not a small man. I come in about six foot two and have a reasonable build – not fat mind you, but especially in my long winter coat, I stand out in a crowd. I’m not a set of car keys or a packet of peanuts that you’d easily misplace.
So I ordered for all of us. Two pasta dishes for Dr Nick and Chad, a disgusting burger like creation for Toby and a warm chicken salad for moi. I told the guy that we were off to see a flick in about forty minutes from the order. So far so good?
Pasta arrived in about 15 minutes. Burger arrived about 10 minutes after that. The movie started at 2:10pm, by 2pm there was no sign of the chicken salad – something that should take about 10 minutes – tops – to prepare and serve. I laughed it off – it’s par for the course for me, but Chad, bless his cotton socks, got the shits up, walked into the Villanova and demanded my money back. He got it, and the manager came out and gave me an apology. Too little too late. Can't eat an apology. I’m not going back to there for anything other than coffee. They’ve lost me a customer, not that they’d really give a flying fat rats arse.
That kind of thing happens to me all too often. I’ll stand there and everyone will be served around me and I’ll just vanish into the scenery. I’ve waved money around to no avail. I’ve spoken, I’ve cleared my throat – you name it, I’ve done it. I still won’t be served though. At times it’s like I’m transparent.
I can’t even remember when it first happened, but I became aware of it at primary school where I was reasonably invisible to most people. I’d sit in class and just stare out of the window and never be asked a question. Cool. I could skip school and no-one would notice. Excellent. I wasn’t the kid who’d get picked last for the teams during PE; I’d not get picked at all! That carried through to high school, where, for the first three years, my best friends were my poodle and my budgie. I did have a girlfriend for the second part of year 8 but she was just as invisible as I was so that worked well. Even my first serious girlfriend used to ignore me for the most part. It used to upset me until I came to accept that people don’t really ignore me, just to them I’m not there, nor have I ever been. It’s great for being in a crowd though because even though I’m there and able to see people, to them I’m not there and they can’t see me. People will walk into me, they’ll sit in front of me at the cinemas, they’ll trip over me at cafes, and they’ll nearly run me down in the streets. You know the expression “Dance like no-one’s watching?”? Works for me because each time I dance I KNOW no-one’s watching. Hence I can get away with dancing like Humphrey B Bear on acid.
Mind you if I do something wrong then everyone points to me straight away. Typical.