Top Cat Explained.

Come in Top Cat.

Yes, Top Cat. You see in hindsight, and with the eyes of myself as I am now, which is a damn sight older than the 6 year old me who used to love to run inside and watch Top Cat, well, I finally realise that Top Cat was utterly evil, or at the very least, highly subversive. Although the show was said to be a cartoon version Sgt. Bilko, I see more parallels with Hogan's Heroes. Mind you I'm thinking Top Cat might of come first, so maybe the idea of Hogans was to put Top Cat into a POW camp in WWII. Certainly all the characters are there in plain view - you can see Hogan in Top Cat himself, Newkirk in Choo Choo, that idiot that kept blowing things up in Spook, the black guy in Fancy Fancy and that annoying little French chef would be Benny. Klink would be Dibble and as for Schultz, well that's where the theory falls apart.

Now Fancy Fancy, well he was the one that scored a lot. Scored with the female cats, or so we're led to believe. I don't ever recall seeing Fancy actually with any femme, outside of Benny, and him we'll get to. Outside of Choo Choo, Fancy Fancy seemed to be the most active drug user of the group - preferred drug being cat-nip (substitute dope for cat-nip and see how it gets more subversive) as he sports that "I'm bent off my nut" look that most stoners have. Choo Choo, drug dealer. He was the Hip Cat of the gang, and handed out most of the anti-establishment advice that Top Cat sought when breaking the law. It was Choo Choo who had the drug-related nickname of Chooch (think about it) and it's obvious that although Top Cat was the leader of the gang, he was just a puppet for Chooch.

The Brain, now here's a great role model for kids - thick as shit and yet they call him the Brain. And they keep him hanging around. Brain and Benny were the obvious sexual relief valves - otherwise why have them? Either that or if the push came to the shove, then Brain and Benny would have been sacrificed to the law at the drop of a hat. It was never stated if Brain was just plain stupid or if he'd been drug-fucked (so to speak) by Chooch. Spook - now there's another druggie for you. he gnaws on the cat-nip, talks in that beatnik hip-cat lingo of his and generally just fills space. Benny The Ball. One word - bitch. Benny, well I imagine that he got sexually abused a lot by the other cats. As he wasn't as submissive as Brain, Benny would have provided sport for the other cats. Benny might have whined a lot but he'd not have given in easily all the time. Benny, you poor soul you.

Officer Dibble. Now this is what children's television was all about wasn't it? Developing a healthy disrespect for the law. I know heaps of people in my generation or older that still call coppers Dibble or Constable Plod. And don't the police hate it when you do? Oh yes, the cats all fooled ole Dibble and much like Yogi Bear with Ranger Smith, they ran him ragged, but only pushed him to a certain point, because they must have known that if Dibble were replaced by a cop with any brain then they could expect to be busted, and with that smart mouth that Top Cat has, well, rest assured they'd get a decent kicking on the way to the cells. Top Cat exploited the fact that Dibble was sadly out of shape, both physically and mentally, and when he did get cornered (Top Cat that is) he'd rapidly weasel his way out of trouble with more mis-directions, half truths and outright lies than John Howard. Thus an entire generation of kids learnt that the law is to be pushed to it's utmost limits, that police equipment, such as cars and phones, were there just for anyone's useage and that garbage bins were pretty funky places to sleep in. Top Cat, as a show, probably influenced more car thieves, drug addicts and homeless people than anything we know.

Now that brings us to Top Cat.

Top Cat ruled the gang with an iron hand, all of them did his will, yet TC (as he liked to be called) was all talk and not much of anything else. Faced with anything of a threat he usually disappeared up his own arse and sent the two village idiots out to face it - namely Brain and the sex-toy Benny. TC may not have hit the drugs as much as the others, but he certainly was more sexually active than the others. His mannerisms, his whole 'I'm more than confident with myself' attitude spells Gay Cat. We never saw ole TC with any female cats, and presuming that he wasn't nutered (which he might well have been) we must then draw the logical conclusion that TC, was, in fact, a very Gay Cat.


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