One of the things that keeps me awake are the ghosts of various things. You see I'm a firm believer in ghosts, not so much the afterlife, whatever that might be, but ghosts? Well they do exist. The populist theory is that is that a ghost is a psychic imprint from a previous time/event. In short where ever we go we leave behind these little imprints via some form of electronic recording. Those imprints occur when an event of intensity happens - a death, a significant tragedy, or basically anything that cases us to react. The majority of those imprints can be, and usually are, easily explained, but every so often some things can't be. As most people are psychic receptors to a degree we find ourselves uncomfortable in certain places and situations. These times, when we can't explain our unease, is when we're picking up an imprint that doesn't sit right. And example would be this - I have a pal whose house I've visited about twice. I just can't go near the joint. Each time I've been there I get this overwhelming feeling of dread and dismay. She doesn't feel it at all, and she tells me that she's very attuned to these kinds of things. No-one else feels it, but I do. I can sense that something in that house isn't right, to me something very, very wrong has happened - I have no idea what it is, but I know it's there. Does the fact that only (obviously) I feel this make it any more invalid? Of course not.
I moved into a lovely flat in Norwood back in 1994. The first week I spent there I found myself waking up each morning at 3:30am on he dot (how did I know? I could see my clock clearly). When I'd waken I'd find myself unable to move, as if something was holding me down. Now, as anyone who's met me would know, holding me down completely against my will is neigh on an impossible task. But I found myself immobilised but able to move my head. In the corner, right where the built in was, stood a man. The first night I near shat myself as I thought that someone was actually in the room with me, but I couldn't move a muscle, so I thought "Hmmmmmmm not good" and decided to yell rather loudly. There was no reaction, so I closed my eyes tightly and then opened them. The guy was gone and I felt I could move, which I did. I lept out of bed and allowed the adrenaline to flow and rapidly inspected the place. Of course I found nobody home but myself. I thought nothing of it and tried to get back to sleep.
This went on for a few nights and I realised that nobody was phyiscally there, it was something else. I tried talking to it, but it never responded. Same impassive pose night after night, and absolutely no reaction. But each night my blood would near boil, my head would near explode and after closing my eyes tightly the guy would vanish. I eventually spoke to a pal of mine who suggested I buy and place a fresh bunch of flowers on the spot where the apparition appeared and that would appease it. So I did, and it worked. I never saw the guy after that.
But...my then girlfriend was always complaining about a dark stain on the carpet right where the apparition stood. No-one else saw it, but she did, so make of that what you will.
Things like that happen to me all the time. It's not like I'm Hayley Joel Osmont and I'm seeing dead people everywhere I go, but I do get those feelings, and I've had more than one enough thing happen to me that I can't explain away with logic, and that tends to creep me out a tad. In such situations I tend to go with my instinct and avoid the issues.
So where does my current ghost come from? Well this is my own theory, or at least I think it is as I've not seen it written down anywhere, although Colin Wilson does use a variation to explain poltergiests, so perhaps he'd have stronger views on it than I do. Anyway, my theory is that some ghosts are the dreams and experiences in your head projecting themselves into a form of semi-reality. For example: I have this recurring dream of a woman who I don't know. I can see her face very clearly in my dreams yet I have no idea who she is, where she's from, or what she represents. In the past few months I've been waking up at odd times to find her standing by my bed, between the bed and the window. I've put things there, such as boxes, but she stands at the same height no matter what and just looks down on me with a very sad look on her face. Mind you lately I'm looking up at her rather puzzled, but the expression doesn't change. Once she's gone, and she does go when I do the closed tight eye thing, I get this scent of - and don't laugh - orange jelly. That one I can't work out. I don't know if I'm going to meet this person eventually, I have no idea if she even exists outside of my imagination. No-one who has visited this place feels uneasy, and I don't feel uneasy either, thus it's not anything evil, or a forewarning, or at least not a forewarning that I'm aware of. She's a dream figure who now has been manifested outside of my head - now to work out why. She's visited when other people have been here, but to date no-one has seen her. I've tried the flowers, but as she's obviously my own personal projction, and not a pre-exisiting imprint, the appeasement won't have any effect at all. So what do I do?
Live with it I guess. My own personal ghost who keeps me awake at nights.