Sunday, August 08, 2004

Some Things Just Never Make Sense

This isn't one of the best days I can lay claim to. We decided to pay a visit to my brother and thus see, and tease, my little nephew and two nieces. So far so good. We rocked up just after lunch time, threw a sticky bun on the table and watched the little buggers tear into it. No problems there although it's always a fight to get ahold of the nephew - a chase around the garden and the usual threat of dipping his head in mud got me the required laughs and anyone who says a little kids laughter is a bad thing is clearly a cretin of the highest order.

Meanwhile. I'm not going into the details but the fuzz fronted up and gave us the news that my brothers step-son was in the hospital and not expected to pull through. It seems that some idiot was giving him the run around a little too much and the poor guy decided to check out. He botched the job somewhat, but, from what I can understand, it's only a matter of time before the job becomes final. I've known the poor guy since he was a little snotty nosed lad and it's a blow that I didn't need, a burden that I just can't carry alone right now. Sometimes you never know the support you have until you reach out. I'm glad I'm in the place I am right now with the people around me that I have. It also staggers me the lengths that some people will go to fuck another person up. The depths they'll sink to drive someone to want to kill themselves. All I can do now is be there for my brother and his kids. It upsets me to think that we started the visit all happy and ended it with the kids in my arms in tears. Sometimes I think I'm not much use as an uncle for them, so perhaps I might use this as a springboard to be there for them a bit more. That much I can do, if only for Alan.

I'll miss Alan. Hell, I miss the guy already. He wasn't a bad person. He never did get a fair chance at life. In another place, another time, he'd have made something of himself, left a mark. He just never had the chances that some of us get, and the chances that a lot of us take for granted. He was the kind of person who'd give you the shirt off his back without you ever asking. He was always polite to me, always a happy face and a kind word.

I never did get to say goodbye.

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