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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Lessons That Popeye Taught Us

1: It's alright to obtain credit under false pretences.
Anyone ever notice that Wimpy never actually paid for the amount of food that ate? It was always "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." I guess in the Popeye Universe Tuesday never comes because we never actually saw Wimpy cough up some hard earned.

2: Gluttony with junk food is cool.
Sure, Popeye ate spinach, which is a good thing being a veggie and all that, but Wimpy was the main food eater in the show and he stuffed his fat face (and gut) with greasy hamburgers all hours of the day. McDonalds would love to get him in for an edorsment.

3: It's a fine line between homosexuality and hetrosexuality.
Ever notice that the object of the guys affection, Olive Oyl, looks less like a woman and more like a man? Tall, flat chested, skinny and rather masculine in an effeminate way.

4: It's damn cool to have sex with multiple partners.
Olive Oyl got it on with Popeye and Brutus all the time. Not to mention the amount of times she was kidnapped by some old guy who used to tie her up in some form of a bondage fantasy.

5: Bastard children born out of wedlock are damn cool too.
Who needs to be married to drop kids? Indeed, who needs to even tell anyone who the father is? When Oyl dropped Sweet Pea she never told anyone who the father was. It could have been either Popeye or Brutus, we never knew. Both men treated ole Pea like he was their own. For all we know Tuesday and Wimpy might have even come. So Pea was a bastard child, born out of wedlock. Who knows what kind of problems that he'd have when he grew up.

6: Women are ugly and only out there to look out for themselves.
Ever notice that it was always Oyl who got the boys into fights? And that between her, and the Sea Hags, there wasn't a good looking woman in the Popeye Universe?

7: Violence isn't just an answer, it's the answer to all your problems.
Whenever anyone outwitted Popeye, or Brutus for that matter, the first thing they did was get stuck into it and beat the living suitcase out of whoever threatened them. That included each other. The end of most Popeye cartoons would centre around Popeye eating his spinach and kicking the living suitcase out of Brutus or whoever else was handy. Not to mention the amounts of domestic violence that would occur when Brutus got the shits up with Oyl and proceed to give her a right kicking.

8: Grammar is a waste of time.
"I yams what I yams and what I yams is what I yams." Say no more.

Later darlings...

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